Conviction or Competence : What am I Building?

This is what we should be discipling our children to be - Being able to make a stand in a world of compromise. In this world where convenience takes precedence over convictions, I as a parent need to be ever so alert as to what is shaping my children's worldview so that they are able to stand firm. A child with "no opinion" will end up being a follower of someone who does.

"All it that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke.

Of Breakfast and Books

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Beyond the stomach, the spirit is also an important component to be fed at the start of the day. This morning, we had a very lively discussion (including role-play as well!) centering on the morning devotional reading from Eliza. We walked away from the breakfast table - not only just feeling fed, but also feeling that we had a worthwhile conversation.

Nowadays, most of our reading is in private - as a family, I find that we build bridges of communication and "heart-bonding" when we share with one another what we are reading. Here's the principle : what we read, we think about - it is when we have the opportunity to share with another person what's on our minds that we are able to discern between truth and error, reality and fantasy. My two daughters are avid readers, it is my role to help them go beyond that and facilitate their thinking process so that what is read goes through the filter of values, beliefs and convictions before it is deposited into the worldview of their hearts.

Beware of Imitation!

Someone once said that "imitation is the best form of compliment". This morning over breakfast, we were talking about what happens when we really admire someone? The answer : We imitate those we admire. That's why young people often dress up to reflect the looks of those they admire or they talk with a certain slang which is associated with certain characters.

The thought of the day is this : When someone looks at my two daughters, who do they see? Do I have enough in me that is worth imitating?

In my training, someone was remarked - "As a manager, I expect my staff to do what I say but don't do what I do." Yet, it is my doing that influences my daughter's being. What I do consistently becomes a "living message" that gets written in their hearts.

Effective parenting is more than just grand intentions - it is consistent actions. A regular 10 minute story-reading time everyday is so much better than a once a year holiday trip. Think about it. Rome is not built in a day - so is your child.

Ben-10 is Canned!

The word "amusement" comes from the root word "muse" i.e. to think, to reflect. By putting the "a" as a prefix, "amuse" then becomes the opposite i.e. without thinking and reflection. As the "values-keeper" of my family, I have the responsibility to safeguard what goes into the soul of my home.

The media (music and TV) is highly potent because it has a way of bypassing our will and emotions and heading straight into the realm of imagination. What is imagined often enough will then finds its expression (in some form or other) through attitudes and behavior. This morning, together with my wife and daughters, we threw away a Ben-10 DVD. Why did we do that (especially to such a hot and popular figure)?

1. It glorifies evolution. We believe in God who created us just as we are (designed for a specific purpose). Ben-10 advocates we need to evolve into other alien forms to find fulfillment.
   
2. It glorifies violence.
   
3. It glorifies witchcraft. The cousin Gwen invokes spells from a certain book in order to display her powers. Evil must be labeled for what it is.
   

Just because something is "cool", "fun" and "cute" does not warrant blind acceptance. We spend about 1.5 hours this morning going through the principles of what is acceptable and helpful when it comes to toys and entertainment. I find it to so rewarding when my two daughters, from their own free will, decided that Ben-10 has to go.

Of course, not all media stuff is bad. Go to http://www.pluggedinonline.com/ for a helpful resource on what's hot and what's not and how we as responsible parents should filter the media around us so that values contrary to us are not blindly absorbed by our kids. MTV proudly says, "We own this generation!". Am I as a father going to let them steal my kids from right under my nose, right in my own living room? No way!

The Fastest Way to a Woman's Heart

I had a wake-up call last night. Over dinner, I could not be in "touch" with my wife - in other words, my conversation with her made philosophical sense but it did reach her heart. I was rattling off a lot of sound advice trying to get across but there was no "bridge" connecting the both of us. It is at moments like this that I ask myself the age-old question - "Why is it so hard to understand women?!"

The condition of my wife's heart came about because in the past few days, I failed to connect with her through the act of active questioning & listening. The secret to a woman's heart is quite simple but not easy. Our main obstacle as men is that we take pride in dishing out solutions and answers too quickly because (from our perspective) it makes us look good! In the process, we destroy the "heart connection" with our wives through the following mistakes :

1. The Mistake of Assumption : Giving answers without active questioning leads to a concussion (not a conclusion).
2. The Mistake of Aggravation : Giving opinions without active listening will only create more frustration. Often, it is her emotions which needs acknowledgment. How will I ever appreciate the emotions without drawing it out first by asking right questions?

Chris Hogan has a set of 10 questions for a courageous conversation. Keeping them in view reminds me that the fastest way to my wife's heart is not in giving answers but in active questioning and listening. What do you think?

1. What is your most pressing issue?
2. What I hear you saying is ... in addition to this, is there anything else?
3. How is this affecting you? Others?
4. What will the future be like if nothing changes?
5. What do you see as my responsibility for this issue?
6. What do you see as your responsibility for this issue?
7. What does the preferable future look like to you?
8. What is the most powerful thing we can agree to ask God to do?
9. Based on the above, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do?
10. What practical steps do we need to take to make this happen?

So, for a woman, the important think is to connect with your ears and then the way to the heart is open wide!