The Fastest Way to a Woman's Heart

I had a wake-up call last night. Over dinner, I could not be in "touch" with my wife - in other words, my conversation with her made philosophical sense but it did reach her heart. I was rattling off a lot of sound advice trying to get across but there was no "bridge" connecting the both of us. It is at moments like this that I ask myself the age-old question - "Why is it so hard to understand women?!"

The condition of my wife's heart came about because in the past few days, I failed to connect with her through the act of active questioning & listening. The secret to a woman's heart is quite simple but not easy. Our main obstacle as men is that we take pride in dishing out solutions and answers too quickly because (from our perspective) it makes us look good! In the process, we destroy the "heart connection" with our wives through the following mistakes :

1. The Mistake of Assumption : Giving answers without active questioning leads to a concussion (not a conclusion).
2. The Mistake of Aggravation : Giving opinions without active listening will only create more frustration. Often, it is her emotions which needs acknowledgment. How will I ever appreciate the emotions without drawing it out first by asking right questions?

Chris Hogan has a set of 10 questions for a courageous conversation. Keeping them in view reminds me that the fastest way to my wife's heart is not in giving answers but in active questioning and listening. What do you think?

1. What is your most pressing issue?
2. What I hear you saying is ... in addition to this, is there anything else?
3. How is this affecting you? Others?
4. What will the future be like if nothing changes?
5. What do you see as my responsibility for this issue?
6. What do you see as your responsibility for this issue?
7. What does the preferable future look like to you?
8. What is the most powerful thing we can agree to ask God to do?
9. Based on the above, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do?
10. What practical steps do we need to take to make this happen?

So, for a woman, the important think is to connect with your ears and then the way to the heart is open wide!