The Process of a Conclusion

As the spiritual head at home, I have a tendency to communicate conclusions. What do I mean? Conclusive Communications is a method of delivering the result of my thinking to my children without helping them to go through the hard work of processing the necessary "logic research" that will make truth personal. That to me is the greatest danger of being a teacher - teaching without reaching.

A group of 8 families gathered together in Kampar from Aug 7-9 a few weeks ago to process through what it means for us parents to play the role of thought leadership at home i.e. the urgent (and important) need for us to develop a Biblical Worldview starting from the very first verse of the Bible. While the kids had to their own fun time (under the capable leadership of Valerie Tan), the parents went through the Answers Academy curriculum where our "eyes" were open to the subtleness of worldly philosophies in education. How we need to reclaim back the glory which belongs to our Creator God!

What was the conclusion of this "Answers Retreat"? We as parents need to :

1. Reinforce the Authority of the Bible as the starting point of all our teaching.
2. Develop the Conviction of our children so that their faith in God becomes a personal one.
3. Build the right Thinking skills so that our children is able to discern error and communicate truth.

The Joy of Serving as a Family!

We spend a week in Sabah last week as part of a team from Alpha Malaysia organizing a 3-day Marriage Course Retreat for a group of pastors and their spouses. My wife and I love serving in The Marriage Course ministry as it not only keeps us together as a couple but also offers opportunity for us to travel and serve together as a family as well.

We are really proud of our two girls who sat attentively on their own - doing their own homeschooling work - while my wife and I serve the pastors during this retreat. In fact, the way I see it, this Marriage Course retreat is part of the "life classroom" for my daughters! By being passive observers of this ministry, Eliza and Eunice are receiving positive perception of the joys of being married plus observing for themselves in real life that great marriages are possible! This at the end of the day is what real education is all about, isn't it? Homeschooling gives us a wonderful platform to include "relational" elements which prepares them not only for intellectual pursuits but effective living as well.

The Faith of a Little Child

My six year old daughter, Eunice wrote me a series of "Dollar/Ringgit" notes since yesterday. One of the advantages of working from home is the opportunity to catch these moments of child-like truth that creates such a "warm-spot" in my heart! My training business has been somewhat affected by the current economic conditions and this fact is not unnoticed by those at home. Little did I know that my six year old cared enough to start printing money for her daddy so that - in her words - "Daddy will now have more money for the family."

You know something? Having this stack of hand-written "monetary notes" gives me a deep sense of richness that money cannot buy. It is true that life is a challenge and a struggle but that which is a trial should activate a certain child-likeness towards my Heavenly Father who is in control. "...for your Heavenly Father knows" (Matthew 6:32). Thank you God for your handwritten assurance through these notes which I believe is as solid as gold when transacted with eyes of faith. I serve a God who knows!

Effective Parenting : Discipline is about the 2 Cs

Discipline is not just about consequences. It has to do more with communication and consistency.

Click on the link below for a radio interview with Shazmin of BFM on this topic :

http://www.bfm.my/1150.html

Happy listening!

Answers Academy Session 2

It's wonderful to have families coming together to re-affirm our commitment to the Bible as the authoritative source for all areas of life and to reflect upon the dangers of being led astray by worldly, humanistic philosophies. Since most of our children are aged 12 and below, we see this as critical window for building strong foundations in the next generation - but it begins with the parents first. At the end of our session together, we walked away with the conviction that if we as Bible-believing parents do not provide ANSWERS which are based on Scripture as our starting point, then our children will be blown to-and-fro by any and every fancy worldview that comes along. I am thankful for this group of parents who are committed to teaching a Biblical Worldview to the next generation!

The Basic Principle of DESIGN

Feelings of inferiority has its roots when we cannot accept the "un-changeables" in us. One primary "un-changeable" is physical features. My heart cringes when I hear children calling each other names which belittle and demean another person's physical features - making fun of a person's nose, complexion, eyes etc.

Do not be surprised if you find your child paying too much attention on clothes and appearance - it may point to a feeling of bitterness that he or she is not grateful for the way that she looks. My job as a parent then is to re-assure my child and re-affirm to self-worth both to God and also to me. This is a teachable moment to emphasize that outward beauty is not related to inward happiness.

So much of what we see around us - the beauty pageants and the best-looking contests - sends a deceptive signal to our kids that if left unchecked will create a constant comparing attitude and distract them from what's really important. I am responsible to create an environment at home where my children are accepted and taught that they should be grateful for the way that God made them. God loves to write last chapters and it my role as a parent to disciple my children not to give up just after reading the "first chapter".

Our Origins Define Our Outlook

Spend time at a drug rehab center this morning addressing the topic on the origins of man. It was encouraging to hear the active questions being asked - which highlighted to me that the "rehabilitation process" covers more than just the physical aspect. Those who were there also had a high degree of intellectual curiosity to the validity of a Biblical woldview. They wanted to know who and where they came from - it is so satisfying to discover that the Bible has a great deal to say about our origins.

So, there is not only the renewal of the physical body that is part of the rehabilitation process, there is also a deeper need to "rehabilitate" the mind as well - with a Biblical view of creation. 

Answers Academy Session 1

My heart is thrilled to see a group of parents who are interested in transferring truth to the next generation! We officially started our first ANSWERS group meeting yesterday using the Answers Academy DVD-based curriculum. We can outsource the training of skills but when it comes to values and matters of faith - the best persons to do the job are the parents (especially the dads!). 

What was Chapter One covered yesterday? We touched on the difference between a naturalistic and a biblical worldview of life. Do we see God actively involved in the history of the world or have we reduced Him to just an afterthought? Instead of starting from the "truth" of man's opinion, we as parents need to train ourselves to base every area of our thinking based on Scripture. Then, we will have something worthwhile to pass on to the next generation.

The Ark is Completed (But the Memories Continue)

I never did enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles .. until I shared the enthusiasm of my daughters. Now that both of the Noah's Ark puzzle are completed (to my amazement and satisfaction), I now finally understand that it was not so much the puzzle itself - rather, it was the interaction, challenge and the fellowship that took place which is of primary importance. The process of play is more important than the product of play.

Furthermore, the accurate dimensions of the Ark provided a series of lively discussion about the impact of the Global Flood, how even dinosaurs could have even fit into the Ark! Doing these puzzles gave the added advantage of being a "value-transfer" process as well.

Here's the conclusion when it comes to choosing the type of play to engage with kids - choose activities which has the following criteria :

1. Creates opportunity for directed conversation.
2. Promotes the exchange of ideas and solutions.
3. Fun! - That's what memories are made of!
   

Critical Decisions are Always Exclusive

We had a wonderful dinner tonight with Llewyn and Chris - a couple that has faithfully served together with us in The Marriage Course. The question from Llewyn - "Why did Jesus have to die?" started a train of discussion from Genesis to the Gospel on the origin of sin, sacrifice and ultimately how all this climax at the Cross. The unique thing about the Christian faith is how God works through real history and real people and it is all documented in the Bible! We worship a God that is firmly rooted in history right from Adam to Jesus and his wonderful plan of salvation revealed from Genesis to Revelation. 

Conclusion : Critical decisions in life (eg. marriage) is always exclusive. Without exclusivity, a relationship cannot go on to the next level. Similarly, the decision to follow Jesus Christ MUST be an exclusive decision. We rejoice that was the decision which Llewyn made. Welcome home, Llewyn. The angels in heaven rejoice! 

First "Genesis Relevance" Talk

On Sunday (26 Apr), we had six families gathered in our home for the inaugural "Genesis Relevance" presentation. The common "thread" that held us all together was the fact that we are all parents deeply concerned about the faith foundations of our children. Here are two opening thoughts in the sharing :

• Culture is strongly defined by origins. Unless one knows clearly where he comes from, he cannot know for sure where he is going. Genesis 1-11 holds the key for building the right sense of identity.
  
  
• Effective parenting is about putting our marriage first. Unless both husband and wife and united in one flesh and spirit, teaching our children from the same starting point of Scripture - our kids will be distracted by so many other competing forces of peer pressure and humanistic philosophies. Foundation building is a team effort.

At the end of our time together, there was a strong resonance that the building of a Biblical Worldview must start with us as parents first. It is only when we are personally excited about the relevance of Scripture to all areas of life then we have something worthwhile to pass to the next generation. As a next step, the majority of the families agreed to go through the Answers Academy package as our small step forward in reclaiming a giant plot in the future. We thank God for this core team of families that have provided my wife and I with the momentum to carry on the passion ignited from last month's training at Answers in Genesis.

The Attraction of a Bumper Sticker!

I was in McDonald's yesterday evening with my two daughters when suddenly an American gentleman walked up to me and said, "Does the Toyota Innova out there belong to you?" Curiously, I said "Yes" - expecting him to point out that I did not switch the lights off or something to that effect. But his answer came as a total surprise ....

"Did you actually visit the CREATION MUSEUM?" was the response from this gentleman. Here's how he was able to link the car to me :

1. He noticed the Creation Museum bumper sticker on my car. That started him thinking.
2. When he sat next to my table at McDonald's, he thought - "Hmm, what's a dad doing here with his two kids on a school day? This must be a homeschooling family."
3. Homeschooling -> Christian -> Creation. Isn't that totally logical?!

We had such a wonderful time of fellowship! The couple was Mike and Diane Constantine - an American couple from Virginia who now makes Malaysia their second home - ministering in the area of family and church leadership. See : http://www.intermin.org

Isn't it wonderful how a seemingly innocent bumper sticker can cause like-minded folks to bump into each other?

p/s : Curious about the Creation Museum? Go to http://creationmuseum.org

Answers in Genesis

20 March 2009 - This is a pivotal date for my wife and I as we stepped onto Korean Air headed for Cincinnati Airport for a week's worth of training with a Creation Apologetics Ministry - ANSWERS IN GENESIS. Look it up - http://www.answersingenesis.org

Besides spending our 13th Wedding Anniversary (23 March) enjoying real American Ice-Cream (thanks to Dr.Crandall and his team), this training has expanded our view on the critical importance of developing a Biblical Worldview in all areas - especially in domains where the opinion of man has superseded the authority of God's Word. We are now so excited about home schooling our two daughters in subjects of science and history from the God's perspective!

Also, we look forward to working with Christian families who desire to provide real answers to the next generation who is growing up in an ever increasing skeptical, humanistic and anti-God world.

We thank God for the generosity of Mr.Ken Ham, Dr.Crandall and the ANSWERS IN GENESIS team for organizing this training. The friendship with fellow believers from Australia, India, Russia, Moldova, Egypt, Scotland, Hungary and Portugal really made this a fantastic experience for my wife and I.

Take Time to be a Dad!

Leadership is about Potential (Not Mine!)

Up till yesterday evening, I had a defective model about what leadership at home should look like. Unknowingly, I have been behaving as if all my family members (especially my wife) is there to make me look good. My agenda and priorities must be the foundation of what makes this family tick - or at least, so I thought.

A honest heart-to-heart dinner conversation with my wife last evening revealed just how defective my leadership perspective has been!

Here's the real deal on leadership : it's not about me! Rather, it is about me serving the needs of those under my care and it developing them to rise up to their God-given potential. The irony is this : when I strive to make those under my care look good - then inevitably, I will also look good! But the starting point is always them, not me. Servanthood is about the greater serving the lesser - something so foreign in a culture where subordinate is expected to serve the superior. Yet, how am I going to see "fruits" in my family if the only type of investment is around I, me and myself? I must start to view myself from today onwards more as a GARDENER rather than a consumer, an INVESTER rather a spectator.

Yes, I am still the leader at home and my leadership is defined by the condition of those who are following me. What good is a leader when the needs of the followers are left in want?

Conviction or Competence : What am I Building?

This is what we should be discipling our children to be - Being able to make a stand in a world of compromise. In this world where convenience takes precedence over convictions, I as a parent need to be ever so alert as to what is shaping my children's worldview so that they are able to stand firm. A child with "no opinion" will end up being a follower of someone who does.

"All it that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke.

Of Breakfast and Books

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Beyond the stomach, the spirit is also an important component to be fed at the start of the day. This morning, we had a very lively discussion (including role-play as well!) centering on the morning devotional reading from Eliza. We walked away from the breakfast table - not only just feeling fed, but also feeling that we had a worthwhile conversation.

Nowadays, most of our reading is in private - as a family, I find that we build bridges of communication and "heart-bonding" when we share with one another what we are reading. Here's the principle : what we read, we think about - it is when we have the opportunity to share with another person what's on our minds that we are able to discern between truth and error, reality and fantasy. My two daughters are avid readers, it is my role to help them go beyond that and facilitate their thinking process so that what is read goes through the filter of values, beliefs and convictions before it is deposited into the worldview of their hearts.

Beware of Imitation!

Someone once said that "imitation is the best form of compliment". This morning over breakfast, we were talking about what happens when we really admire someone? The answer : We imitate those we admire. That's why young people often dress up to reflect the looks of those they admire or they talk with a certain slang which is associated with certain characters.

The thought of the day is this : When someone looks at my two daughters, who do they see? Do I have enough in me that is worth imitating?

In my training, someone was remarked - "As a manager, I expect my staff to do what I say but don't do what I do." Yet, it is my doing that influences my daughter's being. What I do consistently becomes a "living message" that gets written in their hearts.

Effective parenting is more than just grand intentions - it is consistent actions. A regular 10 minute story-reading time everyday is so much better than a once a year holiday trip. Think about it. Rome is not built in a day - so is your child.

Ben-10 is Canned!

The word "amusement" comes from the root word "muse" i.e. to think, to reflect. By putting the "a" as a prefix, "amuse" then becomes the opposite i.e. without thinking and reflection. As the "values-keeper" of my family, I have the responsibility to safeguard what goes into the soul of my home.

The media (music and TV) is highly potent because it has a way of bypassing our will and emotions and heading straight into the realm of imagination. What is imagined often enough will then finds its expression (in some form or other) through attitudes and behavior. This morning, together with my wife and daughters, we threw away a Ben-10 DVD. Why did we do that (especially to such a hot and popular figure)?

1. It glorifies evolution. We believe in God who created us just as we are (designed for a specific purpose). Ben-10 advocates we need to evolve into other alien forms to find fulfillment.
   
2. It glorifies violence.
   
3. It glorifies witchcraft. The cousin Gwen invokes spells from a certain book in order to display her powers. Evil must be labeled for what it is.
   

Just because something is "cool", "fun" and "cute" does not warrant blind acceptance. We spend about 1.5 hours this morning going through the principles of what is acceptable and helpful when it comes to toys and entertainment. I find it to so rewarding when my two daughters, from their own free will, decided that Ben-10 has to go.

Of course, not all media stuff is bad. Go to http://www.pluggedinonline.com/ for a helpful resource on what's hot and what's not and how we as responsible parents should filter the media around us so that values contrary to us are not blindly absorbed by our kids. MTV proudly says, "We own this generation!". Am I as a father going to let them steal my kids from right under my nose, right in my own living room? No way!

The Fastest Way to a Woman's Heart

I had a wake-up call last night. Over dinner, I could not be in "touch" with my wife - in other words, my conversation with her made philosophical sense but it did reach her heart. I was rattling off a lot of sound advice trying to get across but there was no "bridge" connecting the both of us. It is at moments like this that I ask myself the age-old question - "Why is it so hard to understand women?!"

The condition of my wife's heart came about because in the past few days, I failed to connect with her through the act of active questioning & listening. The secret to a woman's heart is quite simple but not easy. Our main obstacle as men is that we take pride in dishing out solutions and answers too quickly because (from our perspective) it makes us look good! In the process, we destroy the "heart connection" with our wives through the following mistakes :

1. The Mistake of Assumption : Giving answers without active questioning leads to a concussion (not a conclusion).
2. The Mistake of Aggravation : Giving opinions without active listening will only create more frustration. Often, it is her emotions which needs acknowledgment. How will I ever appreciate the emotions without drawing it out first by asking right questions?

Chris Hogan has a set of 10 questions for a courageous conversation. Keeping them in view reminds me that the fastest way to my wife's heart is not in giving answers but in active questioning and listening. What do you think?

1. What is your most pressing issue?
2. What I hear you saying is ... in addition to this, is there anything else?
3. How is this affecting you? Others?
4. What will the future be like if nothing changes?
5. What do you see as my responsibility for this issue?
6. What do you see as your responsibility for this issue?
7. What does the preferable future look like to you?
8. What is the most powerful thing we can agree to ask God to do?
9. Based on the above, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do?
10. What practical steps do we need to take to make this happen?

So, for a woman, the important think is to connect with your ears and then the way to the heart is open wide!