Day 12 : Thanksgiving and Homecoming!

Nov 26 - Yes, this is our final day in the US. It is appropriate that today is Thanksgiving Day - we are grateful to the Lord for this trip for several reasons :

• A refreshing time away with Wai Bing. Being away from the daily routine gave us focused moments for meaningful conversation and prayer.
• The Leadership Parenting Coaching training with John Rosemond gave us a vision of how fundamental the family life is to true success. If there is one thing which I cannot fail in - it is my family (all other successes are shallow in comparison).
• The wonderful and welcoming hospitality from Chee Sun & Beatrix! We truly feel the warmth of not only their fellowship but that of their friends at C3 Church in Greensboro. It is truly amazing how the Lord has used their leadership to transmit The Marriage Course to so many couples here in C3 and we pray that this is only the beginning of many more good tidings to come!

As I'm typing this, we are at Changi Airport - waiting for our final connecting flight back to KL. We miss our girls, the food and the fellowship back home. Thank you, Lord!

Day 11 : Day Away at Greensboro

Nov 24 - Our final day of relaxation in North Carolina. So, what do we do? We had fun shopping for shoes (really good deals from DSW) - just what I needed to replace my "koyak" ones at home. Furthermore, it is the eve of Thanksgiving, so with "Black Friday" looming, people are in a shopping mood. If you think that we Asians are KS, think again - Americans queue up as early as 4am on Black Friday to get the best deals in town - stampeding (literally) each other to get their hands on heavily marked down items! On another note, we are so thankful that our shipment from Sonlight Curriculum arrived just in time at 4pm today (or else it will miss our flight tomorrow!). We are bringing home 100+ books for our own use and also on behalf of others in Malaysia. It is so easy to purchase online stuff here in the US.

Spend the afternoon part of the day at the Greensboro Historical Museum. Did you know that Vicks (yes, the vaporub and inhaler) originated from this area? So much of the traditions of the past is worth learning from - especially when it comes to parenting and education.

Day 10 : Traditions & Thanksgiving

Nov 24 - We spent the day right at home - Chee Sun & Beatrix's home, that is. We truly enjoy the comforts of their home and the generous hospitality. Still, our cravings for home took the better of us ... that's when we pulled out our emergency "ration" of ... tom yam instant instant noodles! Now, I know why there is a China town in almost every major city in the world. So much of our culture is tied with our cuisine.

Pictured above is Rev Tan (Beatrix's Dad) - he has been such a tremendous testimony of faithful support for the wife who is currently in hospital. Every time I converse with him, he is overflowing with gratefulness to the Lord for the miracle of everyday living - persevering in faith that all things work for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose (Roms 8:28-29). Praise God that Mrs.Tan is expected to be discharged sometime middle of next week. This is indeed a season of Thanksgiving.

Day 9 : To Shop & To Savor!

Nov 23 - Aah, we now get the time to do what tourist would do - to shop till we are hungry enough to drop & devour! In this case, the place we shop in was Walmart - boy, this to me is the best place under one roof for Asian bargain hunters! My two daughters would have loved to venture along the "arts & craft" aisle at Walmart - after we were done (with a lighter wallet, I might add), six hours had already gone by ... isn't love a wonderful thing? No wonder, 7 years were like 7 days to Jacob when he was in love with Rachel.

When evening came, we were drawn to the neon lights of Krispy Kreme - signalling that the hot-melt-in-your-mouth doughnuts are now ready for consumption! Once again, we have our fellow Malaysians - Chee Sun & Beatrix to thank for using their noses in getting us the best dough in town. And yes, they do really melt in the mouth. Amazing stuff. This would be heaven for little Eunice...

Day 8 : A Refreshing Sabbath

Nov 22 - This signals a change in our trip schedule as we embark on the more "personal" portion. It is truly a divine appointment as Chee Sun and Beatrix lives just about 90 minutes away from where we attended the Leadership Parenting Coach training in Gastonia. We attended the Christian City Church (C3) in Greensboro and were truly overwhelmed with the fellowship and warmth shown - the caramel and hazelnut latte certainly helped! In addition, an angel called Nana Cashman (92 years young) came and showered us with such a warm and glorious hug that we cannot but feel so very welcomed! Such is the bond we have in Jesus Christ - no matter where we are, it is the Lord that binds our hearts together in joyous fellowship.

The fellowship continued on in a Mexican restaurant with Chee Sun, Beatrix, Scott and Lori - wonderful stuff - it was a real treat as we were starting to show the symptoms of "where-can-we-find-spicy-Malaysian-food" syndrome! Thank God for providing the cure just in time. We had a double treat when Beatrix whipped up an Asian dinner for us and it truly is wonderful to be tasting rice again! Speaking about treats, we were privileged to be guests at a 4-hour parenting seminar by John Rosemond (who else?) at the Jamestown United Methodist Church - great to be hearing the leadership parenting message all over again. One time is for sure, we can never get enough of the principles that are based on the timeless principles of the Word of God. Scripture is alive and is sharper than a double-edged sword (Heb 4:12). Amen.

Day 7 : Leadership Parent Coaching 3

Nov 21 - This the final day of the Leadership Parenting Coach training. Although most of what John shared can be found in his books - it has a more "convicting" effect when it comes straight from the horse's mouth! Furthermore, the interaction with like-hearted folks (like Liz, who is already a grandmother!) just warms our heart and gives us the added impetus to carry on the Leadership Parenting vision when we return. The past 3 days of training was not a matter of methodologies as it was about the way parents ought to think. Right thinking leads to right behavior.

Day 6 : Leadership Parent Coaching 2

As you can see, most of the Parent Coaching attendees are women! Now, what does that tell you about the general state of parenting - it is the wife/mother who wants to change things at home. My prayer is that they do not do it alone. I am so privileged to be able to come here with Wai Bing and I just so appreciate her presence and commitment to parent as one flesh. 50% of issues related to parenting would be resolved if the couple starts off from the position of a strong marriage. Without marriage as the center of the family, parenting becomes tough and divisive. Without Christ as the center of the marriage, the marriage itself becomes rough and antagonistic.

Day 5 : Leadership Parent Coaching 1

Nov 19 : This is Day-1 of the Leadership Parent Coaching Session. After 3 months of planning, we are all eager to start! The small number of participants allowed for ease of conversation and it was refreshing to interact with like-minded parents who are not afraid to go against the "postmodern parenting psychology" of our day which creates child-centered families and micro-managing parents. In this age, the need to equip parents to think right is so critical in a world which constantly bombards us with humanistic and ridiculous philosophies. John Rosemond's call is a call back to tradition, back to the time when parenting was just something you do (with your heart), not something you analyze or philosophize about (with your mind).

Had dinner at the Lotus with Liz - fantastic salad, shrimp & crab cakes! About Liz - although a grandmother, she still has the passion to be a leadership parenting coach. Now, that's inspiring!

Day 4 : First Meetings - John Rosemond & Richard Daly

Finally, after close to 3 months of "skyping" with Richard Daly, we met for face-to-face for the first time over breakfast at the Fairfield Inn where we're staying. There were so much story-telling and conversation that our breakfast lasted 3 hours! Then it was time to meet up with the guru himself, John Rosemond for lunch. Guess who was the extra, unexpected guest in the car - Macy - the adorable dog! One thing which struck us was John's oft-repeated phrase - "How can I help you?" Now, that is a great start to a working relationship where we begin to flesh out the details of what it takes to bring leadership back to the family. We certainly look forward to the formal parent coach training which will start tomorrow.

Day 3 : Sleepy in the Inn.....

We made a "sleepy" mistake - after spending the first half of the day walking through the Westfield Shopping Center, we came back to the hotel - looking forward to a leisurely afternoon in conversation but a sudden "ton of bricks" hit us on the head and we ended up taking a 4-hour nap! Oh boy - did that upset our body clock! Good thing we had extra instant noodles with us to see us through dinner. Hopefully Day-4 will be better!

Day 2 : Arrival in Gastonia, North Carolina

After 30+ hours of travelling, waiting, conversing, eating, sleeping, dreaming, visioning and reading (Eliza "forced" me to bring along one of her favorite books - The Mysterious Benedict Society - to read. Found myself caught up in the plot!) ... we're finally here in Gastonia, North Carolina. Right now (11.38pm here) cannot sleep-lah.... hopefully, can get over the lag by tomorrow (which is free and easy) before the meeting with John Rosemond starts on Nov 18. Had makan at the Texas Roadhouse which serves great half-slabs! This place has free "kacang" and you can just simply throw them all over the floor - similar to the Roadhouse Grill back in KL.

On a more meditative note, I spend the majority of my time on the plane going through this excellent resource called "Life Purpose Planning" - a wonderful workbook for crystallizing God's purpose in one's life. Without addressing the issue of purpose, the activity of goal-setting is meaningless and lack the conviction for complete follow-through. Perhaps this two weeks away will provide that time for Wai Bing and myself to build a stronger sense of purpose for the future.

Day 1 : En Route from KL to US

Well, the day is finally here for us to embark on an exciting phase ahead as we take the next step towards "formalizing" our parenting training courses. Instead of going through the toil of developing our own materials, we are grateful to be invited by John Rosemond for his Leadership Parenting Coach certification program in North Carolina from Nov 19-21. Who is John Rosemond? So, here we are - grabbing big bowls of noodles at KLIA before taking the 9.45pm flight (Nov 15) to Singapore - on transit to North Carolina. Once, we touched down at Changi Singapore, we were "gloriously" greeted by real sunflowers planted at regular intervals along the travelling escalator. Interestingly, for Wai Bing's birthday this month, she received sunflowers as well... not to mention that sunflowers were our "official" flower for our wedding photo shots 13 years ago! Isn't this amazing?

As I'm typing this, Wai Bing is fast asleep, while I am sipping my latte (it is now 3.25am) - waiting for our connecting flight via Narita, Japan on United Airlines. These past 2 weeks have been really hectic for the two of us - differing schedules and activities - we are looking forward to these 2 weeks ahead to reconnect and seek the Lord afresh for directions in the new year ahead and beyond. One thing is for certain : we believe the Lord has called us to the marketplace and ministry of transforming the society through equipping the family.

First Parenting Workshop in Singapore

We had our first parenting "workshop" in Singapore about on August 30. It was a humble beginning - a casual get together at my brother-in-law's home. We had such an active discussion on topics such as co-curricular activities, exercising authoritative leadership, the need to put our marriage first and steps to build character. For those of us with kids who are 12 years old and below, this is the season of leadership - if we do not take ownership of our kids during this period and end up "outsourcing" them to other so called child-development activities, do not be surprised if you find yourself living with teenagers who are physically with you but the heart is a thousand miles away. For more articles and podcast interviews, click here for my parenting-specific blog.

The Process of a Conclusion

As the spiritual head at home, I have a tendency to communicate conclusions. What do I mean? Conclusive Communications is a method of delivering the result of my thinking to my children without helping them to go through the hard work of processing the necessary "logic research" that will make truth personal. That to me is the greatest danger of being a teacher - teaching without reaching.

A group of 8 families gathered together in Kampar from Aug 7-9 a few weeks ago to process through what it means for us parents to play the role of thought leadership at home i.e. the urgent (and important) need for us to develop a Biblical Worldview starting from the very first verse of the Bible. While the kids had to their own fun time (under the capable leadership of Valerie Tan), the parents went through the Answers Academy curriculum where our "eyes" were open to the subtleness of worldly philosophies in education. How we need to reclaim back the glory which belongs to our Creator God!

What was the conclusion of this "Answers Retreat"? We as parents need to :

1. Reinforce the Authority of the Bible as the starting point of all our teaching.
2. Develop the Conviction of our children so that their faith in God becomes a personal one.
3. Build the right Thinking skills so that our children is able to discern error and communicate truth.

The Joy of Serving as a Family!

We spend a week in Sabah last week as part of a team from Alpha Malaysia organizing a 3-day Marriage Course Retreat for a group of pastors and their spouses. My wife and I love serving in The Marriage Course ministry as it not only keeps us together as a couple but also offers opportunity for us to travel and serve together as a family as well.

We are really proud of our two girls who sat attentively on their own - doing their own homeschooling work - while my wife and I serve the pastors during this retreat. In fact, the way I see it, this Marriage Course retreat is part of the "life classroom" for my daughters! By being passive observers of this ministry, Eliza and Eunice are receiving positive perception of the joys of being married plus observing for themselves in real life that great marriages are possible! This at the end of the day is what real education is all about, isn't it? Homeschooling gives us a wonderful platform to include "relational" elements which prepares them not only for intellectual pursuits but effective living as well.

The Faith of a Little Child

My six year old daughter, Eunice wrote me a series of "Dollar/Ringgit" notes since yesterday. One of the advantages of working from home is the opportunity to catch these moments of child-like truth that creates such a "warm-spot" in my heart! My training business has been somewhat affected by the current economic conditions and this fact is not unnoticed by those at home. Little did I know that my six year old cared enough to start printing money for her daddy so that - in her words - "Daddy will now have more money for the family."

You know something? Having this stack of hand-written "monetary notes" gives me a deep sense of richness that money cannot buy. It is true that life is a challenge and a struggle but that which is a trial should activate a certain child-likeness towards my Heavenly Father who is in control. "...for your Heavenly Father knows" (Matthew 6:32). Thank you God for your handwritten assurance through these notes which I believe is as solid as gold when transacted with eyes of faith. I serve a God who knows!

Effective Parenting : Discipline is about the 2 Cs

Discipline is not just about consequences. It has to do more with communication and consistency.

Click on the link below for a radio interview with Shazmin of BFM on this topic :

http://www.bfm.my/1150.html

Happy listening!

Answers Academy Session 2

It's wonderful to have families coming together to re-affirm our commitment to the Bible as the authoritative source for all areas of life and to reflect upon the dangers of being led astray by worldly, humanistic philosophies. Since most of our children are aged 12 and below, we see this as critical window for building strong foundations in the next generation - but it begins with the parents first. At the end of our session together, we walked away with the conviction that if we as Bible-believing parents do not provide ANSWERS which are based on Scripture as our starting point, then our children will be blown to-and-fro by any and every fancy worldview that comes along. I am thankful for this group of parents who are committed to teaching a Biblical Worldview to the next generation!

The Basic Principle of DESIGN

Feelings of inferiority has its roots when we cannot accept the "un-changeables" in us. One primary "un-changeable" is physical features. My heart cringes when I hear children calling each other names which belittle and demean another person's physical features - making fun of a person's nose, complexion, eyes etc.

Do not be surprised if you find your child paying too much attention on clothes and appearance - it may point to a feeling of bitterness that he or she is not grateful for the way that she looks. My job as a parent then is to re-assure my child and re-affirm to self-worth both to God and also to me. This is a teachable moment to emphasize that outward beauty is not related to inward happiness.

So much of what we see around us - the beauty pageants and the best-looking contests - sends a deceptive signal to our kids that if left unchecked will create a constant comparing attitude and distract them from what's really important. I am responsible to create an environment at home where my children are accepted and taught that they should be grateful for the way that God made them. God loves to write last chapters and it my role as a parent to disciple my children not to give up just after reading the "first chapter".

Our Origins Define Our Outlook

Spend time at a drug rehab center this morning addressing the topic on the origins of man. It was encouraging to hear the active questions being asked - which highlighted to me that the "rehabilitation process" covers more than just the physical aspect. Those who were there also had a high degree of intellectual curiosity to the validity of a Biblical woldview. They wanted to know who and where they came from - it is so satisfying to discover that the Bible has a great deal to say about our origins.

So, there is not only the renewal of the physical body that is part of the rehabilitation process, there is also a deeper need to "rehabilitate" the mind as well - with a Biblical view of creation. 

Answers Academy Session 1

My heart is thrilled to see a group of parents who are interested in transferring truth to the next generation! We officially started our first ANSWERS group meeting yesterday using the Answers Academy DVD-based curriculum. We can outsource the training of skills but when it comes to values and matters of faith - the best persons to do the job are the parents (especially the dads!). 

What was Chapter One covered yesterday? We touched on the difference between a naturalistic and a biblical worldview of life. Do we see God actively involved in the history of the world or have we reduced Him to just an afterthought? Instead of starting from the "truth" of man's opinion, we as parents need to train ourselves to base every area of our thinking based on Scripture. Then, we will have something worthwhile to pass on to the next generation.

The Ark is Completed (But the Memories Continue)

I never did enjoy doing jigsaw puzzles .. until I shared the enthusiasm of my daughters. Now that both of the Noah's Ark puzzle are completed (to my amazement and satisfaction), I now finally understand that it was not so much the puzzle itself - rather, it was the interaction, challenge and the fellowship that took place which is of primary importance. The process of play is more important than the product of play.

Furthermore, the accurate dimensions of the Ark provided a series of lively discussion about the impact of the Global Flood, how even dinosaurs could have even fit into the Ark! Doing these puzzles gave the added advantage of being a "value-transfer" process as well.

Here's the conclusion when it comes to choosing the type of play to engage with kids - choose activities which has the following criteria :

1. Creates opportunity for directed conversation.
2. Promotes the exchange of ideas and solutions.
3. Fun! - That's what memories are made of!
   

Critical Decisions are Always Exclusive

We had a wonderful dinner tonight with Llewyn and Chris - a couple that has faithfully served together with us in The Marriage Course. The question from Llewyn - "Why did Jesus have to die?" started a train of discussion from Genesis to the Gospel on the origin of sin, sacrifice and ultimately how all this climax at the Cross. The unique thing about the Christian faith is how God works through real history and real people and it is all documented in the Bible! We worship a God that is firmly rooted in history right from Adam to Jesus and his wonderful plan of salvation revealed from Genesis to Revelation. 

Conclusion : Critical decisions in life (eg. marriage) is always exclusive. Without exclusivity, a relationship cannot go on to the next level. Similarly, the decision to follow Jesus Christ MUST be an exclusive decision. We rejoice that was the decision which Llewyn made. Welcome home, Llewyn. The angels in heaven rejoice! 

First "Genesis Relevance" Talk

On Sunday (26 Apr), we had six families gathered in our home for the inaugural "Genesis Relevance" presentation. The common "thread" that held us all together was the fact that we are all parents deeply concerned about the faith foundations of our children. Here are two opening thoughts in the sharing :

• Culture is strongly defined by origins. Unless one knows clearly where he comes from, he cannot know for sure where he is going. Genesis 1-11 holds the key for building the right sense of identity.
  
  
• Effective parenting is about putting our marriage first. Unless both husband and wife and united in one flesh and spirit, teaching our children from the same starting point of Scripture - our kids will be distracted by so many other competing forces of peer pressure and humanistic philosophies. Foundation building is a team effort.

At the end of our time together, there was a strong resonance that the building of a Biblical Worldview must start with us as parents first. It is only when we are personally excited about the relevance of Scripture to all areas of life then we have something worthwhile to pass to the next generation. As a next step, the majority of the families agreed to go through the Answers Academy package as our small step forward in reclaiming a giant plot in the future. We thank God for this core team of families that have provided my wife and I with the momentum to carry on the passion ignited from last month's training at Answers in Genesis.

The Attraction of a Bumper Sticker!

I was in McDonald's yesterday evening with my two daughters when suddenly an American gentleman walked up to me and said, "Does the Toyota Innova out there belong to you?" Curiously, I said "Yes" - expecting him to point out that I did not switch the lights off or something to that effect. But his answer came as a total surprise ....

"Did you actually visit the CREATION MUSEUM?" was the response from this gentleman. Here's how he was able to link the car to me :

1. He noticed the Creation Museum bumper sticker on my car. That started him thinking.
2. When he sat next to my table at McDonald's, he thought - "Hmm, what's a dad doing here with his two kids on a school day? This must be a homeschooling family."
3. Homeschooling -> Christian -> Creation. Isn't that totally logical?!

We had such a wonderful time of fellowship! The couple was Mike and Diane Constantine - an American couple from Virginia who now makes Malaysia their second home - ministering in the area of family and church leadership. See : http://www.intermin.org

Isn't it wonderful how a seemingly innocent bumper sticker can cause like-minded folks to bump into each other?

p/s : Curious about the Creation Museum? Go to http://creationmuseum.org

Answers in Genesis

20 March 2009 - This is a pivotal date for my wife and I as we stepped onto Korean Air headed for Cincinnati Airport for a week's worth of training with a Creation Apologetics Ministry - ANSWERS IN GENESIS. Look it up - http://www.answersingenesis.org

Besides spending our 13th Wedding Anniversary (23 March) enjoying real American Ice-Cream (thanks to Dr.Crandall and his team), this training has expanded our view on the critical importance of developing a Biblical Worldview in all areas - especially in domains where the opinion of man has superseded the authority of God's Word. We are now so excited about home schooling our two daughters in subjects of science and history from the God's perspective!

Also, we look forward to working with Christian families who desire to provide real answers to the next generation who is growing up in an ever increasing skeptical, humanistic and anti-God world.

We thank God for the generosity of Mr.Ken Ham, Dr.Crandall and the ANSWERS IN GENESIS team for organizing this training. The friendship with fellow believers from Australia, India, Russia, Moldova, Egypt, Scotland, Hungary and Portugal really made this a fantastic experience for my wife and I.

Take Time to be a Dad!

Leadership is about Potential (Not Mine!)

Up till yesterday evening, I had a defective model about what leadership at home should look like. Unknowingly, I have been behaving as if all my family members (especially my wife) is there to make me look good. My agenda and priorities must be the foundation of what makes this family tick - or at least, so I thought.

A honest heart-to-heart dinner conversation with my wife last evening revealed just how defective my leadership perspective has been!

Here's the real deal on leadership : it's not about me! Rather, it is about me serving the needs of those under my care and it developing them to rise up to their God-given potential. The irony is this : when I strive to make those under my care look good - then inevitably, I will also look good! But the starting point is always them, not me. Servanthood is about the greater serving the lesser - something so foreign in a culture where subordinate is expected to serve the superior. Yet, how am I going to see "fruits" in my family if the only type of investment is around I, me and myself? I must start to view myself from today onwards more as a GARDENER rather than a consumer, an INVESTER rather a spectator.

Yes, I am still the leader at home and my leadership is defined by the condition of those who are following me. What good is a leader when the needs of the followers are left in want?

Conviction or Competence : What am I Building?

This is what we should be discipling our children to be - Being able to make a stand in a world of compromise. In this world where convenience takes precedence over convictions, I as a parent need to be ever so alert as to what is shaping my children's worldview so that they are able to stand firm. A child with "no opinion" will end up being a follower of someone who does.

"All it that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke.

Of Breakfast and Books

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Beyond the stomach, the spirit is also an important component to be fed at the start of the day. This morning, we had a very lively discussion (including role-play as well!) centering on the morning devotional reading from Eliza. We walked away from the breakfast table - not only just feeling fed, but also feeling that we had a worthwhile conversation.

Nowadays, most of our reading is in private - as a family, I find that we build bridges of communication and "heart-bonding" when we share with one another what we are reading. Here's the principle : what we read, we think about - it is when we have the opportunity to share with another person what's on our minds that we are able to discern between truth and error, reality and fantasy. My two daughters are avid readers, it is my role to help them go beyond that and facilitate their thinking process so that what is read goes through the filter of values, beliefs and convictions before it is deposited into the worldview of their hearts.

Beware of Imitation!

Someone once said that "imitation is the best form of compliment". This morning over breakfast, we were talking about what happens when we really admire someone? The answer : We imitate those we admire. That's why young people often dress up to reflect the looks of those they admire or they talk with a certain slang which is associated with certain characters.

The thought of the day is this : When someone looks at my two daughters, who do they see? Do I have enough in me that is worth imitating?

In my training, someone was remarked - "As a manager, I expect my staff to do what I say but don't do what I do." Yet, it is my doing that influences my daughter's being. What I do consistently becomes a "living message" that gets written in their hearts.

Effective parenting is more than just grand intentions - it is consistent actions. A regular 10 minute story-reading time everyday is so much better than a once a year holiday trip. Think about it. Rome is not built in a day - so is your child.

Ben-10 is Canned!

The word "amusement" comes from the root word "muse" i.e. to think, to reflect. By putting the "a" as a prefix, "amuse" then becomes the opposite i.e. without thinking and reflection. As the "values-keeper" of my family, I have the responsibility to safeguard what goes into the soul of my home.

The media (music and TV) is highly potent because it has a way of bypassing our will and emotions and heading straight into the realm of imagination. What is imagined often enough will then finds its expression (in some form or other) through attitudes and behavior. This morning, together with my wife and daughters, we threw away a Ben-10 DVD. Why did we do that (especially to such a hot and popular figure)?

1. It glorifies evolution. We believe in God who created us just as we are (designed for a specific purpose). Ben-10 advocates we need to evolve into other alien forms to find fulfillment.
   
2. It glorifies violence.
   
3. It glorifies witchcraft. The cousin Gwen invokes spells from a certain book in order to display her powers. Evil must be labeled for what it is.
   

Just because something is "cool", "fun" and "cute" does not warrant blind acceptance. We spend about 1.5 hours this morning going through the principles of what is acceptable and helpful when it comes to toys and entertainment. I find it to so rewarding when my two daughters, from their own free will, decided that Ben-10 has to go.

Of course, not all media stuff is bad. Go to http://www.pluggedinonline.com/ for a helpful resource on what's hot and what's not and how we as responsible parents should filter the media around us so that values contrary to us are not blindly absorbed by our kids. MTV proudly says, "We own this generation!". Am I as a father going to let them steal my kids from right under my nose, right in my own living room? No way!

The Fastest Way to a Woman's Heart

I had a wake-up call last night. Over dinner, I could not be in "touch" with my wife - in other words, my conversation with her made philosophical sense but it did reach her heart. I was rattling off a lot of sound advice trying to get across but there was no "bridge" connecting the both of us. It is at moments like this that I ask myself the age-old question - "Why is it so hard to understand women?!"

The condition of my wife's heart came about because in the past few days, I failed to connect with her through the act of active questioning & listening. The secret to a woman's heart is quite simple but not easy. Our main obstacle as men is that we take pride in dishing out solutions and answers too quickly because (from our perspective) it makes us look good! In the process, we destroy the "heart connection" with our wives through the following mistakes :

1. The Mistake of Assumption : Giving answers without active questioning leads to a concussion (not a conclusion).
2. The Mistake of Aggravation : Giving opinions without active listening will only create more frustration. Often, it is her emotions which needs acknowledgment. How will I ever appreciate the emotions without drawing it out first by asking right questions?

Chris Hogan has a set of 10 questions for a courageous conversation. Keeping them in view reminds me that the fastest way to my wife's heart is not in giving answers but in active questioning and listening. What do you think?

1. What is your most pressing issue?
2. What I hear you saying is ... in addition to this, is there anything else?
3. How is this affecting you? Others?
4. What will the future be like if nothing changes?
5. What do you see as my responsibility for this issue?
6. What do you see as your responsibility for this issue?
7. What does the preferable future look like to you?
8. What is the most powerful thing we can agree to ask God to do?
9. Based on the above, what is the one thing we cannot fail to do?
10. What practical steps do we need to take to make this happen?

So, for a woman, the important think is to connect with your ears and then the way to the heart is open wide!

Dad, I am Watching ...

"Dad, are you listening?"

Writing Magic, Wonderful Moment

Friday afternoons are my "writing moments" with my eldest daughter, Eliza. There is a special connection which takes place during this time where we have fun expressing our thoughts, imagination and creativity in writing. You see, both of us love to write - when two persons share an interest, it is more than just a hobby - it has the potential of becoming something magical. For those who have an interest in exploring and expanding your writing flair (and have a fun time with your kids), consider getting Gail Carson Levine's "WRITING MAGIC". It is not a textbook on the science of writing. Rather, it is a very casual and "flowing" book that encourages exploration and experimentation.

The topic we did today was a fun one (something to do with friendship, marriage and love) - interestingly, Eliza was just so caught up with it and she just could not keep her pen down the entire evening. This "magic" is likely to persist for the days to come. Now, isn't this better than watching MTV?

To Eliza, she could be writing a fun story, for me, it is a magical memory in the making and moments such as this I cherish dearly.